Infinity love and hip hop boyfriend
VH1_LoveAndHipHop
2019.12.16 22:02 krispechiken927 VH1_LoveAndHipHop
Subreddit for all Love & Hip Hop Franchises!
2018.05.03 00:20 youmaybetheproblem Discuss everything about VH1s love and hip hop
Love and hip hop, VH1, Miami, Hollywood, New York, Atlanta, ATL
2012.05.14 18:22 90's Hip Hop
A place to share '90s rap and hip-hop music.
2023.06.10 15:34 Reasonable_Luck5531 Open relationship experiences
I’m looking to hear other people’s experiences with having a relationship open on one end. Throwaway account for privacy reasons. My boyfriend (M32) and I (F23) have been dating for a little over a year now. I love him to death, but we have very different libidos. I would happily be having sex almost every day and my boyfriend could probably go months without it. This has been an issue for a while and we’ve talked about it a lot, but haven’t come up with a real solution. My partner’s libido seems to only be decreasing with time and I’ve been pretty unsatisfied with our sex life for a while. The sex we have is nice and enjoyable, but it’s always the same thing and I’m feeling very unfulfilled in this part of the relationship. I’ve asked to spice things up and have tried everything I can on my end to help my partner, but he’s really just not interested in anything more than what we’re doing right now. Anyways, to get to the point, he’s suggested several times that he would be okay with trying an open relationship. I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s definitely not my first choice. I’ve considered the idea a lot and I’ve come to a couple conclusions. I would be willing to open things up on my end, but I don’t want a completely open relationship. I know this sounds selfish, so let me explain myself. I am more than happy to do anything my boyfriend needs to feel sexual fulfilment and I would feel really hurt if he wanted to see other people while he’s not even taking care of my needs. On the other hand, it seems like my boyfriend’s libido is so low that he would rather I see other people to fulfill all of my needs and give him a bit of a break.
TLDR: I’m considering asking to open the relationship up on my side only and am wondering if anyone else has a similar experience or relationship
submitted by Reasonable_Luck5531 to sex [link] [comments]
TLDR: I’m considering asking to open the relationship up on my side only and am wondering if anyone else has a similar experience or relationship
2023.06.10 15:32 BarnSwallowStreamers my self improvement journey from depression
hi all,
i’m posting this here mostly to just lay out my journey. a month ago i broke up with my fiancée and it hit me hard. i spiralled into a depression which saw me end up with suicidal tendencies. i decided one morning that i was either going to take my own life or i was going to try to get the help that i needed. i chose the latter. im not fixed and my mind still wanders in the direction of suicide but i have a support network, medication and therapy with 2 therapists who are focused on different areas of my path to healing. one is focused on CBT while the other is trauma focused and really getting into the finer points of my life, my childhood and the affects my upbringing had on who i am today.
whatever happened with my relationship, there was a time where i woke up and realised that this person made me see my downfalls and issues. she made me want to be a better person and i started the journey of bettering myself with my exes support. losing that was a huge knock on my not only my life but my motivation to go forward. but i am trying to go forward and i’m trying to find it in myself to do so. she used to be proud of me for the changes i’d make and even a friend of hers would comment on how open i was to accept my faults and build past them. so instead of relying on them for support, i’m trying to remember those feelings and i’m trying to build on it to use that to motivate me and so that i can maybe be proud of myself one day.
i always wanted to run and so i’ve started a C25K program which sees me on my 9th run today. that’s one third of the way through the program and i’m happy to be able to say i’ve stuck with that this long.
i’m doing yoga with adriene on youtube. in many ways this is harder than the running i’ve started - both mentally and physically, i was emotional after one session but i went back the next day. i also started a stretching program with anna mcnulty. to focus on more flexibility in my hips and legs - which is useful for the industry i’m in.
as well as those, i’m working with resistance bands, workout programs for abs and to turn my asslessness into an ass. i’m also meditating with the Balance app.
if i make it to 5k, i want to run one in my kilt at some point and maybe try to raise money for a mental health charity. i’ve thought about the possibility of doing this in england where i am just now, edinburgh (where i’m from), ireland (where i spent most of my years), and germany so that i can create a memory of that area i broke up with my ex in that isn’t one that breaks me.
i’m not happy with my life at all. i’m not happy with where i am. i’m not happy to see the future i dreamed of with my ex disappear. im tired of constantly having to restart my life from the ground up. i feel like i no longer have vision, plans or dreams, and i was always a dreamer. it’s one day at a time and i struggle so much with that. i wake up to make it to bed again. the last few days have been horrid with those dark thoughts swimming around but i’m trying to push through.
i’m trying to keep on going forward but i have so many ups and downs right now that it’s hard. i’ve made what can be called major life adjustments and that’s what people tell me they are - it’s just some days i feel as though those adjustments are just ways to avoid my thoughts. i sometimes wonder if i’m doing it all for the right reasons.
either way, in my future and since i started all of this physical activity, medication and therapy, i’m being a better version of me and i want to one day be able to realise this and be proud of myself for making these changes. i want to be a better me so that one day i can be loved for being me and so that i can have someone hug me again because i miss that feeling the most of all. and on my down days it’s the one thing i want more than anything.
i don’t want to feel down and numb forever so i’m throwing all that i can at this to come out as a better version of me. i want to get through this.
submitted by BarnSwallowStreamers to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
i’m posting this here mostly to just lay out my journey. a month ago i broke up with my fiancée and it hit me hard. i spiralled into a depression which saw me end up with suicidal tendencies. i decided one morning that i was either going to take my own life or i was going to try to get the help that i needed. i chose the latter. im not fixed and my mind still wanders in the direction of suicide but i have a support network, medication and therapy with 2 therapists who are focused on different areas of my path to healing. one is focused on CBT while the other is trauma focused and really getting into the finer points of my life, my childhood and the affects my upbringing had on who i am today.
whatever happened with my relationship, there was a time where i woke up and realised that this person made me see my downfalls and issues. she made me want to be a better person and i started the journey of bettering myself with my exes support. losing that was a huge knock on my not only my life but my motivation to go forward. but i am trying to go forward and i’m trying to find it in myself to do so. she used to be proud of me for the changes i’d make and even a friend of hers would comment on how open i was to accept my faults and build past them. so instead of relying on them for support, i’m trying to remember those feelings and i’m trying to build on it to use that to motivate me and so that i can maybe be proud of myself one day.
i always wanted to run and so i’ve started a C25K program which sees me on my 9th run today. that’s one third of the way through the program and i’m happy to be able to say i’ve stuck with that this long.
i’m doing yoga with adriene on youtube. in many ways this is harder than the running i’ve started - both mentally and physically, i was emotional after one session but i went back the next day. i also started a stretching program with anna mcnulty. to focus on more flexibility in my hips and legs - which is useful for the industry i’m in.
as well as those, i’m working with resistance bands, workout programs for abs and to turn my asslessness into an ass. i’m also meditating with the Balance app.
if i make it to 5k, i want to run one in my kilt at some point and maybe try to raise money for a mental health charity. i’ve thought about the possibility of doing this in england where i am just now, edinburgh (where i’m from), ireland (where i spent most of my years), and germany so that i can create a memory of that area i broke up with my ex in that isn’t one that breaks me.
i’m not happy with my life at all. i’m not happy with where i am. i’m not happy to see the future i dreamed of with my ex disappear. im tired of constantly having to restart my life from the ground up. i feel like i no longer have vision, plans or dreams, and i was always a dreamer. it’s one day at a time and i struggle so much with that. i wake up to make it to bed again. the last few days have been horrid with those dark thoughts swimming around but i’m trying to push through.
i’m trying to keep on going forward but i have so many ups and downs right now that it’s hard. i’ve made what can be called major life adjustments and that’s what people tell me they are - it’s just some days i feel as though those adjustments are just ways to avoid my thoughts. i sometimes wonder if i’m doing it all for the right reasons.
either way, in my future and since i started all of this physical activity, medication and therapy, i’m being a better version of me and i want to one day be able to realise this and be proud of myself for making these changes. i want to be a better me so that one day i can be loved for being me and so that i can have someone hug me again because i miss that feeling the most of all. and on my down days it’s the one thing i want more than anything.
i don’t want to feel down and numb forever so i’m throwing all that i can at this to come out as a better version of me. i want to get through this.
2023.06.10 15:29 Fair-Design-7396 Need helping finding the best headphones for me
Hello, fellow Redditors!
I'm in search of top-notch headphones that will fulfill my audio needs while providing an exceptional experience for dance music, hip-hop, and rap. Additionally, these headphones will be my companions during intense fitness sessions at the gym and gaming sessions, specifically for Call of Duty: Warzone.
To help narrow down the options, here are my criteria:
Thank you, Reddit community, for your assistance and expertise! I'm eager to hear your recommendations and make an informed decision.
submitted by Fair-Design-7396 to HeadphoneAdvice [link] [comments]
I'm in search of top-notch headphones that will fulfill my audio needs while providing an exceptional experience for dance music, hip-hop, and rap. Additionally, these headphones will be my companions during intense fitness sessions at the gym and gaming sessions, specifically for Call of Duty: Warzone.
To help narrow down the options, here are my criteria:
- Outstanding Sound Quality: I'm seeking headphones that deliver powerful bass, crisp mids, and clear highs to truly immerse myself in the energetic beats of dance music, hip-hop, and rap.
- Robust Build and Sweat Resistance: As these headphones will endure rigorous workouts, I need a pair that can handle the sweat and occasional rough handling, ensuring they can withstand the demands of my fitness routine.
- Comfortable Fit: Comfort is key during workouts, so I'm looking for headphones that provide a secure and snug fit without causing discomfort. Whether over-ear or in-ear, I'm open to suggestions.
- Wireless Convenience and Long Battery Life: To avoid cable interference during workouts, I prefer wireless headphones. Additionally, a long battery life is crucial to keep the music playing throughout extended gym sessions and gaming marathons.
- High-Quality Microphone: As a frequent player of COD Warzone, I need headphones with a reliable built-in microphone for clear communication with my teammates.
Thank you, Reddit community, for your assistance and expertise! I'm eager to hear your recommendations and make an informed decision.
2023.06.10 15:25 Terrible_Bowler_5689 Are there people like me?
I was born in 1969. I'm a biological female. Ever since I can remember I've felt like I was male. I played like a boy, dressed like a boy, pretended I was a boy inside all the time (not sure that makes sense, but I think iykyk).
I'm also only attracted to males (this seems unusual too).
I've only had 3 boyfriends in my life and I got married (and divorced) from 2 of them. I don't hate being alone. I have a few friends that I can do things with when I don't want to be alone but no close friends and I'm happy this way.
I've never told anyone that I am this way. I know people think I'm a little weird... but I don't let people into my life so most just think I'm a lesbian.
I have a child (adult now). I love being a mom.
I've never met anyone like me before. Then again maybe I have and it's their secret too.
submitted by Terrible_Bowler_5689 to NonBinary [link] [comments]
I'm also only attracted to males (this seems unusual too).
I've only had 3 boyfriends in my life and I got married (and divorced) from 2 of them. I don't hate being alone. I have a few friends that I can do things with when I don't want to be alone but no close friends and I'm happy this way.
I've never told anyone that I am this way. I know people think I'm a little weird... but I don't let people into my life so most just think I'm a lesbian.
I have a child (adult now). I love being a mom.
I've never met anyone like me before. Then again maybe I have and it's their secret too.
2023.06.10 15:24 Thanos_The_Meme_2 My dream soundtrack for a NFS game. Mostly metal with bits of rock and hip-hop sprinkled in-between. May not be a reality....what do you think?
 | Click the image to enlarge. submitted by Thanos_The_Meme_2 to needforspeed [link] [comments] |
2023.06.10 15:24 prettylilfears TW: SA/Grooming
I won’t be too graphic.
I feel like every time I’ve been assaulted or harassed physically was my own fault, except the time I was tied up. I know that’s ridiculous, but the pattern here is so easily spotted that I just can’t help but feel like I just never tried hard enough.
The first time, I was 12 and I’d told my little boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to be fingered. He did it anyways, and I didn’t stop him. I didn’t enjoy it, in fact I cried because it hurt. I didn’t sob, or shake, or move away. I just froze.
The second, I was still 12 and the boy involved was 16. He groped me and touched me without asking. Happened too fast to stop, and once it was started…I just froze. I don’t think I said a word until he stopped. He was showing off to his cousin by doing that. I just pretended it didn’t happen and went home later.
At 13, there was a 6’2 17 year old boy involved. Boyfriend at the time. He was abusive. He had already been slapping me around that day. Nothing major, no bruises or closed fists. I was telling him to stop, trying to be polite because we had already had sex that day so I didn’t want him to get upset that I didn’t want more. He held my legs in place with one arm and used his free hand elsewhere. I was silent after a few more attempts to tell him I didn’t like this. Sometimes he was pushy about sex, but it feels like my fault for having consented to any at all. He pressured me sometimes, but never enough t be notable to me.
At 14/15, I dated a major douche. He was 18/19. He forced me to kiss him sometimes by just overpowering me. He’d coerce me and tell me if I really loved him I’d just put out. “Don’t you want to make me happy?” he’d say. I hated it. He’s the one that tied me up. I was not quiet or polite that time. He left me with my hands tied behind my back in my garage, crying. Cigarettes after sex were his ritual. We dated on and off for well over a year, and it ended after he pulled a gun on me, my friend, and his side chick a few too many times. I couldn’t tell you how many times he coerced me, but it feels like my fault because of all the times he hadn’t. I stayed until it ruined my life.
Most recently, I was 17/18. I was dating a woman, she was 21. She was pushy and a little mean. In a quiet, seemingly well meaning sort of way. No was not a complete answer if she thought I could be convinced. She pressured me quite a bit. There were several occasions where she had touched me after I had said I didn’t want to do anything. She always stopped eventually when I froze up, but never immediately. It feels like my fault because the very last time it happened, I had a car. I could’ve left. She even asked if I wanted her to stop because I’d been ignoring her while she touched me for several minutes. I told her I didn’t care, and tried not to cry while I focused as hard as I could on anything else. My body betrayed me that day. We’d made out earlier, so I was wet. I just didn’t want sex. It feels like my fault. I wish I could stop freezing.
It’s not an issue anymore, I’m safe with the young man Im with now. The memories just weigh on me a lot. I’m starting to feel crushed by it again.
submitted by prettylilfears to venting [link] [comments]
I feel like every time I’ve been assaulted or harassed physically was my own fault, except the time I was tied up. I know that’s ridiculous, but the pattern here is so easily spotted that I just can’t help but feel like I just never tried hard enough.
The first time, I was 12 and I’d told my little boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to be fingered. He did it anyways, and I didn’t stop him. I didn’t enjoy it, in fact I cried because it hurt. I didn’t sob, or shake, or move away. I just froze.
The second, I was still 12 and the boy involved was 16. He groped me and touched me without asking. Happened too fast to stop, and once it was started…I just froze. I don’t think I said a word until he stopped. He was showing off to his cousin by doing that. I just pretended it didn’t happen and went home later.
At 13, there was a 6’2 17 year old boy involved. Boyfriend at the time. He was abusive. He had already been slapping me around that day. Nothing major, no bruises or closed fists. I was telling him to stop, trying to be polite because we had already had sex that day so I didn’t want him to get upset that I didn’t want more. He held my legs in place with one arm and used his free hand elsewhere. I was silent after a few more attempts to tell him I didn’t like this. Sometimes he was pushy about sex, but it feels like my fault for having consented to any at all. He pressured me sometimes, but never enough t be notable to me.
At 14/15, I dated a major douche. He was 18/19. He forced me to kiss him sometimes by just overpowering me. He’d coerce me and tell me if I really loved him I’d just put out. “Don’t you want to make me happy?” he’d say. I hated it. He’s the one that tied me up. I was not quiet or polite that time. He left me with my hands tied behind my back in my garage, crying. Cigarettes after sex were his ritual. We dated on and off for well over a year, and it ended after he pulled a gun on me, my friend, and his side chick a few too many times. I couldn’t tell you how many times he coerced me, but it feels like my fault because of all the times he hadn’t. I stayed until it ruined my life.
Most recently, I was 17/18. I was dating a woman, she was 21. She was pushy and a little mean. In a quiet, seemingly well meaning sort of way. No was not a complete answer if she thought I could be convinced. She pressured me quite a bit. There were several occasions where she had touched me after I had said I didn’t want to do anything. She always stopped eventually when I froze up, but never immediately. It feels like my fault because the very last time it happened, I had a car. I could’ve left. She even asked if I wanted her to stop because I’d been ignoring her while she touched me for several minutes. I told her I didn’t care, and tried not to cry while I focused as hard as I could on anything else. My body betrayed me that day. We’d made out earlier, so I was wet. I just didn’t want sex. It feels like my fault. I wish I could stop freezing.
It’s not an issue anymore, I’m safe with the young man Im with now. The memories just weigh on me a lot. I’m starting to feel crushed by it again.
2023.06.10 15:23 Character-Car2380 seattle vacation
Hello! My girlfriend and I are going on vacation to Seattle for the first time starting the 29th and leaving on the 1st. We are looking for some people to hang with. Have some laughs and check out what seattle really has to offer. We are into urban exploring, grafgiti, sight seeing, Frisbee golf, pokemon go, getting coffee and treats, maybe have a few drinks now and then. We listen to grunge, metal, underground hip-hop ,etc. We are up for hikes in nature or just sitting around people watching. We are not crazy outgoing but we like to have fun with chill people. 4/20 friendly.
submitted by Character-Car2380 to seattleVacation [link] [comments]
2023.06.10 15:19 coyoteeasy My ex is still ok with his decision 8 months later, some people don't ever feel regret. I don't blame him.
This is a long vent.
I'm the dumpee but I ruined the best relationship I had because I was insecure. I couldn't forget a mistake he made and it hurt me. I wish I could take it all back. Reading old texts break me. I was too stupid to realize he was trying to change for me.
He's on his own healing journey now and I really did lose my love, my friend. I wish I stopped. I wish I yelled at myself. I couldn't stop being toxic because of one thing he did. But that one thing then turned into multiple things. Every time he said he was sorry it still hurt.
Fuck this. This isn't a normal breakup. Where is the support for people who genuinely did ruin their relationship and the dumper's decision is justified. He hid stuff from me but why couldn't I just forgive him. I don't even know if I was overreacting in the relationship, I didn't trust myself to leave him. I knew something was wrong and I ignored it. Then I made a series of bad decisions he probably used as leverage to leave me. If I had enough self worth to leave back then maybe he would regret leaving me now, he would of respected me more.
I trusted him to be able to go to me with any concerns. I trusted him to tell me if a friendship between him and a friend is fishy/suspicious. I trusted him to tell me if he thinks this person is trying to flirt with him or make advances. He never did any of that. I came to him every time I thought a guy was being shady or flirting with me, I was never trying to show off or flaunt it. I wanted him to know everything and I stupidly expected him to do the same. Fuck. I would tell him if a guy was taking me home but he never told me when he was taking his female coworker home. Is it toxic to be upset at that? Am I expecting too much? Maybe he was innocent but made really dumb decisions. He was trying to work on it but it was too much for me, the trust kept getting broken.
It destroys me seeing him happy and probably in another relationship. Like I should be glad but I can't. His life is so much better without me in it. He's probably with a girl he wanted to be with all along.
I am genuinely suicidal over this. How am I supposed to keep living. I want this nightmare to be over with, I want to stop focusing on him. I wish I could let it go. I have so much guilt everyday I throw up. And no I never ever cheated on him but I acted crazy.
How do I continue knowing this guy I was with for four years probably never actually loved me or wanted to commit bc he was in his 20s. Thats really how it feels. I think he was an avoidant too. He's so confident in moving on. Despite all the inside jokes and stories we shared and support we had for one another, I didn't know how to be in a relationship. I grew up with barely any support or love and it showed. He told me he thought of me everyday since the breakup but actions speak louder than words because I'm still cut out from his life.
God I hear so many girls say "My ex always comes back he never leaves me alone!" whats it like to have someone chase you? I'll never know that feeling. I'm not pretty enough or interesting enough for a guy to regret his decision. I'm not the girl guys are absolutely heartbroken over. Its just "yeah it is what it is time to move on and find someone new" and when I say I'm not pretty enough I really do mean any girl my ex finds after me will probably be an improvement. I grew up unattractive and I'm still pretty unattractive so I don't have the luxury of just finding another guy. He truly showed me love.
I still see him as this innocent and perfect guy that I ruined.
And the girl he was talking to when we were dating is now living her best life with her new boyfriend. I don't think he cheated on me with her but they were definitely talking about things he didn't want me knowing about.
This breakup destroyed me. Some weeks I feel fine but then some months I truly want to die because I failed. I failed being in a loving relationship. I feel like I sabotaged it too.
I'm trying to make it seem like I'm ok now because I begged and begged and made a fool of myself right after he ended things. I'm trying to be ok because the breakup happened in 2022 and its time to move on but it haunts me. I'm trying to be ok because I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be the one who deserved better right? I'm supposed to "glow up" after the breakup. Because if I don't then I was the problem. If I stay toxic, lonely and insecure I was the problem. I showed symptoms of bpd so I'm the problem. I accept I am the problem but god it hurts. I don't walk around putting it all on my ex. I hate myself.
I wish I didn't take things so seriously. I wish I could treat relationships so casual and never form an attachment to someone. I wish I could leave someone so easily and never look back because "its whats best for me" I wish I could talk to multiple people without feeling guilt or nostalgia for a past relationship. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could be happy and relieved I'm finally out of a long term relationship but I'm not.
submitted by coyoteeasy to BreakUps [link] [comments]
I'm the dumpee but I ruined the best relationship I had because I was insecure. I couldn't forget a mistake he made and it hurt me. I wish I could take it all back. Reading old texts break me. I was too stupid to realize he was trying to change for me.
He's on his own healing journey now and I really did lose my love, my friend. I wish I stopped. I wish I yelled at myself. I couldn't stop being toxic because of one thing he did. But that one thing then turned into multiple things. Every time he said he was sorry it still hurt.
Fuck this. This isn't a normal breakup. Where is the support for people who genuinely did ruin their relationship and the dumper's decision is justified. He hid stuff from me but why couldn't I just forgive him. I don't even know if I was overreacting in the relationship, I didn't trust myself to leave him. I knew something was wrong and I ignored it. Then I made a series of bad decisions he probably used as leverage to leave me. If I had enough self worth to leave back then maybe he would regret leaving me now, he would of respected me more.
I trusted him to be able to go to me with any concerns. I trusted him to tell me if a friendship between him and a friend is fishy/suspicious. I trusted him to tell me if he thinks this person is trying to flirt with him or make advances. He never did any of that. I came to him every time I thought a guy was being shady or flirting with me, I was never trying to show off or flaunt it. I wanted him to know everything and I stupidly expected him to do the same. Fuck. I would tell him if a guy was taking me home but he never told me when he was taking his female coworker home. Is it toxic to be upset at that? Am I expecting too much? Maybe he was innocent but made really dumb decisions. He was trying to work on it but it was too much for me, the trust kept getting broken.
It destroys me seeing him happy and probably in another relationship. Like I should be glad but I can't. His life is so much better without me in it. He's probably with a girl he wanted to be with all along.
I am genuinely suicidal over this. How am I supposed to keep living. I want this nightmare to be over with, I want to stop focusing on him. I wish I could let it go. I have so much guilt everyday I throw up. And no I never ever cheated on him but I acted crazy.
How do I continue knowing this guy I was with for four years probably never actually loved me or wanted to commit bc he was in his 20s. Thats really how it feels. I think he was an avoidant too. He's so confident in moving on. Despite all the inside jokes and stories we shared and support we had for one another, I didn't know how to be in a relationship. I grew up with barely any support or love and it showed. He told me he thought of me everyday since the breakup but actions speak louder than words because I'm still cut out from his life.
God I hear so many girls say "My ex always comes back he never leaves me alone!" whats it like to have someone chase you? I'll never know that feeling. I'm not pretty enough or interesting enough for a guy to regret his decision. I'm not the girl guys are absolutely heartbroken over. Its just "yeah it is what it is time to move on and find someone new" and when I say I'm not pretty enough I really do mean any girl my ex finds after me will probably be an improvement. I grew up unattractive and I'm still pretty unattractive so I don't have the luxury of just finding another guy. He truly showed me love.
I still see him as this innocent and perfect guy that I ruined.
And the girl he was talking to when we were dating is now living her best life with her new boyfriend. I don't think he cheated on me with her but they were definitely talking about things he didn't want me knowing about.
This breakup destroyed me. Some weeks I feel fine but then some months I truly want to die because I failed. I failed being in a loving relationship. I feel like I sabotaged it too.
I'm trying to make it seem like I'm ok now because I begged and begged and made a fool of myself right after he ended things. I'm trying to be ok because the breakup happened in 2022 and its time to move on but it haunts me. I'm trying to be ok because I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be the one who deserved better right? I'm supposed to "glow up" after the breakup. Because if I don't then I was the problem. If I stay toxic, lonely and insecure I was the problem. I showed symptoms of bpd so I'm the problem. I accept I am the problem but god it hurts. I don't walk around putting it all on my ex. I hate myself.
I wish I didn't take things so seriously. I wish I could treat relationships so casual and never form an attachment to someone. I wish I could leave someone so easily and never look back because "its whats best for me" I wish I could talk to multiple people without feeling guilt or nostalgia for a past relationship. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could be happy and relieved I'm finally out of a long term relationship but I'm not.
2023.06.10 15:19 SevereAd8837 Is it wrong for me(f22) to leave my bf(m26) because of his immigration status?
Me and my boyfriend has been dating for about two years. We recently signed the lease to move in with each other on July but I am feeling cold feet about it.
I am currently an International student in the US and my boyfriend is under DACA. For those who is unfamiliar with what DACA is, it’s a program that was created to protect eligible young adults who were brought to the U.S. as children from deportation and to provide them with work authorization for temporary, renewable periods. Therefore, he is not a US citizen but he’s allowed to work and basically live a normal life inside of US. However, he will lose this if he leaves US, making him not allowed to travel anywhere else.
Tbh one of the only way for him to get a citizenship or a green card will be marrying somebody who already has it or creating a business that is successful enough for him to apply for a green card, unless the US government makes major changes about DACA, which I kind of doubt that it will ever happen. On the other hand, my boyfriend thinks very positively about this matter and he believes that there’s gonna be a change in the next few years. He is also trying to start a business due to this reason.
Since I’m not originally from here, I often go back to my home country during the summer or winter break to go see my family. Every time I go back to my home country it’s a reminder that my boyfriend is not allowed to come with me and might never be able to. Additionally, it reminds me that we cannot travel anywhere else in the world other than the United States although we are both financially stable. It makes me very sad every time I see other couple traveling around the world together on social media and having fun. This may sound very selfish but in some ways I also think about that I might be wasting my youth being with him when I can be traveling with someone else. Even if he ends up getting a green card, he cannot come to my home country with me unless he gets a US citizenship because we have a mandatory drought for guys and he will be responsible for not going to the military if we comes back before the age of 35.
We are pretty serious about the relationship, and consider getting marry in the future if we continue to date but as soon as I think about getting marry, it makes me feel frustrated about all the barriers that we need to consider. Don’t even get me started with arranging the meet up with my parents. My parents won’t be happy about his and his family’s immigration status. I come from a pretty traditional and strict Asian parents and usually their expectation of me is pretty high. Since my boyfriends parents are illegal immigrants in the US I am honestly clueless on how I will even arrange my parents to meet his parents since my parents also hates long plane rides.
Although I have a lot of concerns about our future, my boyfriend always tells me that everything is gonna be all right and we’ll figure it out together. He says that he is willing to sacrifice getting a green card from marriage to marry me and be with me. But I’m not sure if I’m a bigger person who can just accept all of it for love even the situation about his status does not change. I still really love him and I am afraid that I won’t be able to find a guy like him if we break up. Other than his immigration status he is a perfect guy. He helps me with my school work and helps me around the house when he’s over. He’s generously a loving and caring guy who’s humble, and have a great job that makes good money. He’s also very mature a great emotional support for me.
Moving in with each other is a big decision and I don’t know if I should continue to do so if all these barriers make me feel that we might break up during the lease. He knows how I feel and I told him that I think I still want to try out moving in with each other to see if my feelings about the matter changes. We already made plans on what to do if we break up. He will be the one who will be moving out and still pay the rest of his portion of the rent until the lease ends since i am already planning to pay most of the rent. I know that I should have consider this more before we signed a lease but I don’t think this matter hit me as hard as how it has me right now.
Would it be wrong for me to break up with my boyfriend because of his immigration status? Would it be the right thing for me to break up with him before the lease starts to avoid him moving in and out? I feel bad that he’s the one who needs to move out if we break up during the lease. On the other hand, I feel like it will also benefit him to not date me and be with somebody who has a citizenship that will make his life easier as well. I’m scared that we’re just wasting each other’s time by continuing this relationship further and regret after few more years into the relationship.
submitted by SevereAd8837 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I am currently an International student in the US and my boyfriend is under DACA. For those who is unfamiliar with what DACA is, it’s a program that was created to protect eligible young adults who were brought to the U.S. as children from deportation and to provide them with work authorization for temporary, renewable periods. Therefore, he is not a US citizen but he’s allowed to work and basically live a normal life inside of US. However, he will lose this if he leaves US, making him not allowed to travel anywhere else.
Tbh one of the only way for him to get a citizenship or a green card will be marrying somebody who already has it or creating a business that is successful enough for him to apply for a green card, unless the US government makes major changes about DACA, which I kind of doubt that it will ever happen. On the other hand, my boyfriend thinks very positively about this matter and he believes that there’s gonna be a change in the next few years. He is also trying to start a business due to this reason.
Since I’m not originally from here, I often go back to my home country during the summer or winter break to go see my family. Every time I go back to my home country it’s a reminder that my boyfriend is not allowed to come with me and might never be able to. Additionally, it reminds me that we cannot travel anywhere else in the world other than the United States although we are both financially stable. It makes me very sad every time I see other couple traveling around the world together on social media and having fun. This may sound very selfish but in some ways I also think about that I might be wasting my youth being with him when I can be traveling with someone else. Even if he ends up getting a green card, he cannot come to my home country with me unless he gets a US citizenship because we have a mandatory drought for guys and he will be responsible for not going to the military if we comes back before the age of 35.
We are pretty serious about the relationship, and consider getting marry in the future if we continue to date but as soon as I think about getting marry, it makes me feel frustrated about all the barriers that we need to consider. Don’t even get me started with arranging the meet up with my parents. My parents won’t be happy about his and his family’s immigration status. I come from a pretty traditional and strict Asian parents and usually their expectation of me is pretty high. Since my boyfriends parents are illegal immigrants in the US I am honestly clueless on how I will even arrange my parents to meet his parents since my parents also hates long plane rides.
Although I have a lot of concerns about our future, my boyfriend always tells me that everything is gonna be all right and we’ll figure it out together. He says that he is willing to sacrifice getting a green card from marriage to marry me and be with me. But I’m not sure if I’m a bigger person who can just accept all of it for love even the situation about his status does not change. I still really love him and I am afraid that I won’t be able to find a guy like him if we break up. Other than his immigration status he is a perfect guy. He helps me with my school work and helps me around the house when he’s over. He’s generously a loving and caring guy who’s humble, and have a great job that makes good money. He’s also very mature a great emotional support for me.
Moving in with each other is a big decision and I don’t know if I should continue to do so if all these barriers make me feel that we might break up during the lease. He knows how I feel and I told him that I think I still want to try out moving in with each other to see if my feelings about the matter changes. We already made plans on what to do if we break up. He will be the one who will be moving out and still pay the rest of his portion of the rent until the lease ends since i am already planning to pay most of the rent. I know that I should have consider this more before we signed a lease but I don’t think this matter hit me as hard as how it has me right now.
Would it be wrong for me to break up with my boyfriend because of his immigration status? Would it be the right thing for me to break up with him before the lease starts to avoid him moving in and out? I feel bad that he’s the one who needs to move out if we break up during the lease. On the other hand, I feel like it will also benefit him to not date me and be with somebody who has a citizenship that will make his life easier as well. I’m scared that we’re just wasting each other’s time by continuing this relationship further and regret after few more years into the relationship.
2023.06.10 15:19 YellowHoptimist He(33m) hasn't said "I love you" to me(29F) yet
Hi.
Tldr: Boyfriend(33m) hasn't said I love you after living together for six months and dating for 1.5 years. Every other aspect of relationship is near perfect.
It feels weird writing here but I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about this. My boyfriend (33M) and I (29F) have been together for about 1.5 years, lived together for about 6 months (we're in Europe). It has been amazing.
We have both been through ups and downs in our own individuel lives in a very short time (death of a family member, involuntary sick leaves, graduation from uni, getting fired, getting a new job, a cancer scare - yep it's been a lot).
Through all that we never argued, we supported each other. When one is down the other takes over and vice versa. We help the other out when they are busy or stressed. Our relationship is very equal in all aspects.
He is an amazing man. He call me beautiful, sexy, lovely, he cleans, cooks, asks me about my day, challenges me when necessary. If I want to go on a walk, we're gonna go on a walk. If I wanna watch a movie, we're watching a movie. And vice versa. It's the best relationship ever. Still no fights (only arguments because we are very different when it comes to some topics and we like challenging each other). We laugh so much. We have fun with everything. We are currently looking at buying a house together. Marriage and kids has been discussed very loosely.
Now, what is the issue then?
Well as my title says - he still hasn't said I love you. I've "tried" saying it and all I got back was "I like you too". Auch..
My question is... What do I do? I feel like he should know after 1.5 years and I know I could just ask him. But I'm scared he'll tell me, that he doesn't feel that way about me and I will have to end the relationship. I truly love this man. He is one of the best things to happen to me and I don't want to let go of that.
Is it possible to love someone and not being able to verbally convey it? Or am I just fooling myself here?
submitted by YellowHoptimist to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Tldr: Boyfriend(33m) hasn't said I love you after living together for six months and dating for 1.5 years. Every other aspect of relationship is near perfect.
It feels weird writing here but I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about this. My boyfriend (33M) and I (29F) have been together for about 1.5 years, lived together for about 6 months (we're in Europe). It has been amazing.
We have both been through ups and downs in our own individuel lives in a very short time (death of a family member, involuntary sick leaves, graduation from uni, getting fired, getting a new job, a cancer scare - yep it's been a lot).
Through all that we never argued, we supported each other. When one is down the other takes over and vice versa. We help the other out when they are busy or stressed. Our relationship is very equal in all aspects.
He is an amazing man. He call me beautiful, sexy, lovely, he cleans, cooks, asks me about my day, challenges me when necessary. If I want to go on a walk, we're gonna go on a walk. If I wanna watch a movie, we're watching a movie. And vice versa. It's the best relationship ever. Still no fights (only arguments because we are very different when it comes to some topics and we like challenging each other). We laugh so much. We have fun with everything. We are currently looking at buying a house together. Marriage and kids has been discussed very loosely.
Now, what is the issue then?
Well as my title says - he still hasn't said I love you. I've "tried" saying it and all I got back was "I like you too". Auch..
My question is... What do I do? I feel like he should know after 1.5 years and I know I could just ask him. But I'm scared he'll tell me, that he doesn't feel that way about me and I will have to end the relationship. I truly love this man. He is one of the best things to happen to me and I don't want to let go of that.
Is it possible to love someone and not being able to verbally convey it? Or am I just fooling myself here?
2023.06.10 15:14 Hereforachange Please help me.
Hello everyone of this subreddit.
I’m writing because it feels like everything around me crumbles and I can no longer trust myself.
I’m writing this post, because I feel like I’m currently in a bubble of destruction and intrusive thoughts surrounded by people who are pretending to help me, but It doesn’t feel that way, and due to my illness, I can’t trust my feelings, so I need someone from the outside to look at the whole situation.
I’ve always been a very superficial kind of person, I have intense relationships with everyone, but I still try to remain somewhat distant when it comes to letting people close to me. I have a very destructive behaviour.
I have a hard time having female friends, I didn’t use to, but for some reason having male friends has always been easier for me. My problem is that once I get close to people, I fall in love with them, and I fall very hard. It consumes me more than anything else, but as soon as I “get them” my interest for them is non-existent. However, I’ve been in a few “long” relationships.
My previous relationship was almost 7 years, until I decided to leave him (M). I found this guy (M), and cheated on my, at the time boyfriend (Q) and ended up leaving him for the new guy I JUST MET. In the beginning of this new relationship, (M) was very controlling and manipulative. I would have to be on a phone call with him all day when at school whilst he was at work listening to our phone calls. I were not allowed to talk to anyone, and if I did, I got an angry message saying to go to the bathroom, where he would yell at me and destroy me mentally. I did not make any friends in my 3 years of high school, and I never went to any party or gathering with my classmates until the last year on the final day of the graduation week. Things did get better, and the calls stopped as I was almost done with my first year of high school. But the checking my phone etc. continued. In the third year It was more free for me to make friends, but everyone already had made friends, and I developed social anxiety. At some point in this relationship, he raped me, as I was not in the mood for sex, but he wanted it and decided we must have it. He had sex with me, whilst I was crying and begging for him to stop. He stopped when he came, and never apologized for it.
I started at UNI, and (M) and I moved in together alone, and things went better, I got a few friends in my study group. (M) got a depression and moved across country away from me and did not want to call us bf/gf anymore. He still travelled every weekend to me and had sex with me, but he did not want to say we were in a relationship, so we were more friends with benefits. I saw myself as single, since I asked him if we could be gf/bf again, and he always said no. Then I met a new guy online. I told him about my relationship with my ex, the things he had done to me, and we got along really well. Then (M) got back into his abusive pattern, he demanded to read through my phone, talk to me all the time on calls etc. and I gave in. I cut all contact to my new friend online, and I haven’t spoken to him since. It’s been approximately 5 years now. The next 3 years went somewhat okay. But I still couldn’t let go of the thought of him having raped me. I started as an intern and (M) was extremely jealous of my relationship with my boss. As I wanted good grades, I would stay a little longer at work to finish my analytical tests for my reports for UNI etc. and we ended up having a massive fight over it. I got hurt that he still wouldn’t trust me. (looking back, It makes sense because I left another guy for him (M) years ago). Then we started playing an online game together, and a guy (E) we were talking to started writing me asking me why I never spoke in calls, if I was okay, if I needed help etc. I told him bits and pieces over the course of 3 months, and he told me how fucked up my relationship with (M) was. It was like I finally had someone else tell me what I’d seen but ignored for years, that I was in an abusive relationship and had to get out. So, I did. However, I was slowly being more and more explicit friendly with (E) and it ended up being with a lot of sexual tension and I cheated on (M) with (E) online by sexting with (E). I left (M) and spontaneously took a train across country and visited (E). When I came back, I had to deal with splitting up the home I had with (M), our dog, etc. I ended up keeping the dog. Then one of (M)’s good friends (P) wrote me, asked me what happened as he had heard we were no longer together. I told (P) small bits of it, and we got along super well as friends. Until I ruined it by making it sexual. I ended up sexting with (P) and (E) at the same time, and then (E) and I decided to be serious. (this is only a month and a half after my breakup with (M). I couldn’t deal with it as I missed (P) so much my heart aced, so I broke up with (E) over text and invited (P) over and had sex with him. Then it continued with me being undecisive about (P) and (E) over a couple of months, blocking one, then having sex with the other vice versa until I finally blocked (P) and decided to pursue things with (E). After all, he was the one who helped me out of my abusive relationship.
I dropped out of the UNI without finishing my diploma and moved across country to start at a new UNI. God wanted it to happen that I now live at the same dormitory as (E). (E) did not want to be in a relationship with me due to the things I had done, as he could not trust me at all, which was fair. I understand that. But the end goal was for him to trust me more and more, and then eventually be able to get into a relationship. Over the course of the last year, I’ve secretly written (P) from time to time when I was back in my hometown to hear how it goes and tell him I miss him etc. and that he still missed me. Every time it ended up getting sexual, and I ended up cutting it off when I had to get back to my new home. (P) and I met October last year whilst (E) and I were serious (still not in a relationship). The last month and a half / two months has been an absolute nightmare. My grandmother died, and I’ve never felt so broken. I ended up having sex with one of the people I live with and share kitchen with and fell in love with him (K). I asked (E) for a break, but I didn’t specify that it was for me to pursue things with the guy from my dormitory (K) and to see if it was actually for me.
So, I played it double. I had sex with (K) over a course of approximately two weeks, and then when (E) found out, he broke things off with me, and I lost it. I felt like my whole world was crumbling and I just didn’t want to live anymore. He told me he had had sex with another girl whilst we were on our break, which literally broke me into a billion pieces and made me go absolutely crazy and that’s when I had my first episode. An episode is that I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I just don’t care about anything. Don’t care about future consequences, about the people I hurt etc. It has gotten progressively worse over the last week and a half.
So, I took some time off and went to my hometown for a week to visit my parents and get everything on a distance. When I got home, (E) was so angry and broken, and told me he could no longer be in my life, unless I got proper help. So, I ended up having an episode (which I’d never had before). I’m currently getting help from the hospital and have been assigned an OPUS program. I’ve not yet been finally diagnosed, but they do believe I have bipolar disorder, and that I have a psychosis.
I went to the emergency psychiatric hospital where they wanted to sign me in with (E), but I refused as I had a doctor’s appointment the day after. In the car as soon as we left there, I got another episode, and I told (E) that if I were ever hospitalized, I would kill myself, and it would be his fault, and I would blame him. They told me to take Oxabenz when I get my episodes, and they told him to drive me to them so I could get the help I need. Through our relationship, I’ve not been good at expressing my emotions, and I lock down completely. This has resulted in pushing me down, holding me down and slapping me.
(E) does not want to leave me alone, as I am suicidal, however he also does not want to hospitalize me due to what I said when I was in my psychosis/episode at the emergency psychiatric hospital. I lose it as he constantly triggers me with being caring, loving, kissing me but also confronts me with what I’ve done by sleeping with the guy from my dormitory (K). I try to avoid my psychosis by being in my head, not answering his questions etc. to calm down, but he takes It as me being mentally violent and abusive against him, so he chokes me, hits me, throws me around, forces me to lie on my stomach and when I cry, he holds me for my mouth and my nose so I can’t breathe. He holds me against my will and does not want to let me leave as he says he’s afraid I’ll kill myself. He has spat on me, hurt my fingers as a way to get me out of my psychosis but it doesn’t help once I’m in it. It literally breaks me, and all I can think about is to call for help, or hurt myself on the windows, windowsill, radiator, floor etc. for him to let me go, which I’ve tried but no one comes to help me. I’ve begged him to drive me to the psychiatric hospital, but he doesn’t want to do that when I’m psychotic, because he’s afraid once we stand there, I do not want to let myself get hospitalized and if I do, I will kill myself. I’ve finally gotten away from him, but I cannot decide if I should get myself hospitalized or not. He does not want to drive me there, but I also am so scared to go back to him, because I feel like he is abusing me.
My problem is though that I can’t really trust my feelings when I’m sad. That’s what he’s telling me, and I can’t figure out if that is true or not. So far, we’ve tried with me being with him, pretending things are okay., having sex, kissing etc. but to me, it doesn’t feel right, but he says it’s just my head which is lying to me, and that it is all I actually want. It is the only place I want to be when I’m good in my head and not psychotic.
I don’t know what to do. I have agreed to meet (E) again at 19:00 PM. But I’m very scared I’ll end up loosing it again and go psychotic and that he’ll hurt me again. What am I supposed to do? Please help me, because I do not trust myself, but I also do not trust him.
submitted by Hereforachange to mentalillness [link] [comments]
I’m writing because it feels like everything around me crumbles and I can no longer trust myself.
I’m writing this post, because I feel like I’m currently in a bubble of destruction and intrusive thoughts surrounded by people who are pretending to help me, but It doesn’t feel that way, and due to my illness, I can’t trust my feelings, so I need someone from the outside to look at the whole situation.
I’ve always been a very superficial kind of person, I have intense relationships with everyone, but I still try to remain somewhat distant when it comes to letting people close to me. I have a very destructive behaviour.
I have a hard time having female friends, I didn’t use to, but for some reason having male friends has always been easier for me. My problem is that once I get close to people, I fall in love with them, and I fall very hard. It consumes me more than anything else, but as soon as I “get them” my interest for them is non-existent. However, I’ve been in a few “long” relationships.
My previous relationship was almost 7 years, until I decided to leave him (M). I found this guy (M), and cheated on my, at the time boyfriend (Q) and ended up leaving him for the new guy I JUST MET. In the beginning of this new relationship, (M) was very controlling and manipulative. I would have to be on a phone call with him all day when at school whilst he was at work listening to our phone calls. I were not allowed to talk to anyone, and if I did, I got an angry message saying to go to the bathroom, where he would yell at me and destroy me mentally. I did not make any friends in my 3 years of high school, and I never went to any party or gathering with my classmates until the last year on the final day of the graduation week. Things did get better, and the calls stopped as I was almost done with my first year of high school. But the checking my phone etc. continued. In the third year It was more free for me to make friends, but everyone already had made friends, and I developed social anxiety. At some point in this relationship, he raped me, as I was not in the mood for sex, but he wanted it and decided we must have it. He had sex with me, whilst I was crying and begging for him to stop. He stopped when he came, and never apologized for it.
I started at UNI, and (M) and I moved in together alone, and things went better, I got a few friends in my study group. (M) got a depression and moved across country away from me and did not want to call us bf/gf anymore. He still travelled every weekend to me and had sex with me, but he did not want to say we were in a relationship, so we were more friends with benefits. I saw myself as single, since I asked him if we could be gf/bf again, and he always said no. Then I met a new guy online. I told him about my relationship with my ex, the things he had done to me, and we got along really well. Then (M) got back into his abusive pattern, he demanded to read through my phone, talk to me all the time on calls etc. and I gave in. I cut all contact to my new friend online, and I haven’t spoken to him since. It’s been approximately 5 years now. The next 3 years went somewhat okay. But I still couldn’t let go of the thought of him having raped me. I started as an intern and (M) was extremely jealous of my relationship with my boss. As I wanted good grades, I would stay a little longer at work to finish my analytical tests for my reports for UNI etc. and we ended up having a massive fight over it. I got hurt that he still wouldn’t trust me. (looking back, It makes sense because I left another guy for him (M) years ago). Then we started playing an online game together, and a guy (E) we were talking to started writing me asking me why I never spoke in calls, if I was okay, if I needed help etc. I told him bits and pieces over the course of 3 months, and he told me how fucked up my relationship with (M) was. It was like I finally had someone else tell me what I’d seen but ignored for years, that I was in an abusive relationship and had to get out. So, I did. However, I was slowly being more and more explicit friendly with (E) and it ended up being with a lot of sexual tension and I cheated on (M) with (E) online by sexting with (E). I left (M) and spontaneously took a train across country and visited (E). When I came back, I had to deal with splitting up the home I had with (M), our dog, etc. I ended up keeping the dog. Then one of (M)’s good friends (P) wrote me, asked me what happened as he had heard we were no longer together. I told (P) small bits of it, and we got along super well as friends. Until I ruined it by making it sexual. I ended up sexting with (P) and (E) at the same time, and then (E) and I decided to be serious. (this is only a month and a half after my breakup with (M). I couldn’t deal with it as I missed (P) so much my heart aced, so I broke up with (E) over text and invited (P) over and had sex with him. Then it continued with me being undecisive about (P) and (E) over a couple of months, blocking one, then having sex with the other vice versa until I finally blocked (P) and decided to pursue things with (E). After all, he was the one who helped me out of my abusive relationship.
I dropped out of the UNI without finishing my diploma and moved across country to start at a new UNI. God wanted it to happen that I now live at the same dormitory as (E). (E) did not want to be in a relationship with me due to the things I had done, as he could not trust me at all, which was fair. I understand that. But the end goal was for him to trust me more and more, and then eventually be able to get into a relationship. Over the course of the last year, I’ve secretly written (P) from time to time when I was back in my hometown to hear how it goes and tell him I miss him etc. and that he still missed me. Every time it ended up getting sexual, and I ended up cutting it off when I had to get back to my new home. (P) and I met October last year whilst (E) and I were serious (still not in a relationship). The last month and a half / two months has been an absolute nightmare. My grandmother died, and I’ve never felt so broken. I ended up having sex with one of the people I live with and share kitchen with and fell in love with him (K). I asked (E) for a break, but I didn’t specify that it was for me to pursue things with the guy from my dormitory (K) and to see if it was actually for me.
So, I played it double. I had sex with (K) over a course of approximately two weeks, and then when (E) found out, he broke things off with me, and I lost it. I felt like my whole world was crumbling and I just didn’t want to live anymore. He told me he had had sex with another girl whilst we were on our break, which literally broke me into a billion pieces and made me go absolutely crazy and that’s when I had my first episode. An episode is that I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I just don’t care about anything. Don’t care about future consequences, about the people I hurt etc. It has gotten progressively worse over the last week and a half.
So, I took some time off and went to my hometown for a week to visit my parents and get everything on a distance. When I got home, (E) was so angry and broken, and told me he could no longer be in my life, unless I got proper help. So, I ended up having an episode (which I’d never had before). I’m currently getting help from the hospital and have been assigned an OPUS program. I’ve not yet been finally diagnosed, but they do believe I have bipolar disorder, and that I have a psychosis.
I went to the emergency psychiatric hospital where they wanted to sign me in with (E), but I refused as I had a doctor’s appointment the day after. In the car as soon as we left there, I got another episode, and I told (E) that if I were ever hospitalized, I would kill myself, and it would be his fault, and I would blame him. They told me to take Oxabenz when I get my episodes, and they told him to drive me to them so I could get the help I need. Through our relationship, I’ve not been good at expressing my emotions, and I lock down completely. This has resulted in pushing me down, holding me down and slapping me.
(E) does not want to leave me alone, as I am suicidal, however he also does not want to hospitalize me due to what I said when I was in my psychosis/episode at the emergency psychiatric hospital. I lose it as he constantly triggers me with being caring, loving, kissing me but also confronts me with what I’ve done by sleeping with the guy from my dormitory (K). I try to avoid my psychosis by being in my head, not answering his questions etc. to calm down, but he takes It as me being mentally violent and abusive against him, so he chokes me, hits me, throws me around, forces me to lie on my stomach and when I cry, he holds me for my mouth and my nose so I can’t breathe. He holds me against my will and does not want to let me leave as he says he’s afraid I’ll kill myself. He has spat on me, hurt my fingers as a way to get me out of my psychosis but it doesn’t help once I’m in it. It literally breaks me, and all I can think about is to call for help, or hurt myself on the windows, windowsill, radiator, floor etc. for him to let me go, which I’ve tried but no one comes to help me. I’ve begged him to drive me to the psychiatric hospital, but he doesn’t want to do that when I’m psychotic, because he’s afraid once we stand there, I do not want to let myself get hospitalized and if I do, I will kill myself. I’ve finally gotten away from him, but I cannot decide if I should get myself hospitalized or not. He does not want to drive me there, but I also am so scared to go back to him, because I feel like he is abusing me.
My problem is though that I can’t really trust my feelings when I’m sad. That’s what he’s telling me, and I can’t figure out if that is true or not. So far, we’ve tried with me being with him, pretending things are okay., having sex, kissing etc. but to me, it doesn’t feel right, but he says it’s just my head which is lying to me, and that it is all I actually want. It is the only place I want to be when I’m good in my head and not psychotic.
I don’t know what to do. I have agreed to meet (E) again at 19:00 PM. But I’m very scared I’ll end up loosing it again and go psychotic and that he’ll hurt me again. What am I supposed to do? Please help me, because I do not trust myself, but I also do not trust him.
2023.06.10 15:12 Hereforachange Please help me. Urgent.
Hello everyone of this subreddit.
I’m writing because it feels like everything around me crumbles and I can no longer trust myself.
I’m writing this post, because I feel like I’m currently in a bubble of destruction and intrusive thoughts surrounded by people who are pretending to help me, but It doesn’t feel that way, and due to my illness, I can’t trust my feelings, so I need someone from the outside to look at the whole situation.
I’ve always been a very superficial kind of person, I have intense relationships with everyone, but I still try to remain somewhat distant when it comes to letting people close to me. I have a very destructive behaviour.
I have a hard time having female friends, I didn’t use to, but for some reason having male friends has always been easier for me. My problem is that once I get close to people, I fall in love with them, and I fall very hard. It consumes me more than anything else, but as soon as I “get them” my interest for them is non-existent. However, I’ve been in a few “long” relationships.
My previous relationship was almost 7 years, until I decided to leave him (M).
I found this guy (M), and cheated on my, at the time boyfriend (Q) and ended up leaving him for the new guy I JUST MET. In the beginning of this new relationship, (M) was very controlling and manipulative. I would have to be on a phone call with him all day when at school whilst he was at work listening to our phone calls. I were not allowed to talk to anyone, and if I did, I got an angry message saying to go to the bathroom, where he would yell at me and destroy me mentally. I did not make any friends in my 3 years of high school, and I never went to any party or gathering with my classmates until the last year on the final day of the graduation week. Things did get better, and the calls stopped as I was almost done with my first year of high school. But the checking my phone etc. continued. In the third year It was more free for me to make friends, but everyone already had made friends, and I developed social anxiety. At some point in this relationship, he raped me, as I was not in the mood for sex, but he wanted it and decided we must have it. He had sex with me, whilst I was crying and begging for him to stop. He stopped when he came, and never apologized for it.
I started at UNI, and (M) and I moved in together alone, and things went better, I got a few friends in my study group. (M) got a depression and moved across country away from me and did not want to call us bf/gf anymore. He still travelled every weekend to me and had sex with me, but he did not want to say we were in a relationship, so we were more friends with benefits. I saw myself as single, since I asked him if we could be gf/bf again, and he always said no. Then I met a new guy online. I told him about my relationship with my ex, the things he had done to me, and we got along really well. Then (M) got back into his abusive pattern, he demanded to read through my phone, talk to me all the time on calls etc. and I gave in. I cut all contact to my new friend online, and I haven’t spoken to him since. It’s been approximately 5 years now. The next 3 years went somewhat okay. But I still couldn’t let go of the thought of him having raped me. I started as an intern and (M) was extremely jealous of my relationship with my boss. As I wanted good grades, I would stay a little longer at work to finish my analytical tests for my reports for UNI etc. and we ended up having a massive fight over it. I got hurt that he still wouldn’t trust me. (looking back, It makes sense because I left another guy for him (M) years ago). Then we started playing an online game together, and a guy (E) we were talking to started writing me asking me why I never spoke in calls, if I was okay, if I needed help etc.
I told him bits and pieces over the course of 3 months, and he told me how fucked up my relationship with (M) was. It was like I finally had someone else tell me what I’d seen but ignored for years, that I was in an abusive relationship and had to get out. So, I did. However, I was slowly being more and more explicit friendly with (E) and it ended up being with a lot of sexual tension and I cheated on (M) with (E) online by sexting with (E).
I left (M) and spontaneously took a train across country and visited (E). When I came back, I had to deal with splitting up the home I had with (M), our dog, etc. I ended up keeping the dog.
Then one of (M)’s good friends (P) wrote me, asked me what happened as he had heard we were no longer together. I told (P) small bits of it, and we got along super well as friends. Until I ruined it by making it sexual. I ended up sexting with (P) and (E) at the same time, and then (E) and I decided to be serious. (this is only a month and a half after my breakup with (M). I couldn’t deal with it as I missed (P) so much my heart aced, so I broke up with (E) over text and invited (P) over and had sex with him. Then it continued with me being undecisive about (P) and (E) over a couple of months, blocking one, then having sex with the other vice versa until I finally blocked (P) and decided to pursue things with (E). After all, he was the one who helped me out of my abusive relationship.
I dropped out of the UNI without finishing my diploma and moved across country to start at a new UNI. God wanted it to happen that I now live at the same dormitory as (E). (E) did not want to be in a relationship with me due to the things I had done, as he could not trust me at all, which was fair. I understand that. But the end goal was for him to trust me more and more, and then eventually be able to get into a relationship.
Over the course of the last year, I’ve secretly written (P) from time to time when I was back in my hometown to hear how it goes and tell him I miss him etc. and that he still missed me. Every time it ended up getting sexual, and I ended up cutting it off when I had to get back to my new home. (P) and I met October last year whilst (E) and I were serious (still not in a relationship).
The last month and a half / two months has been an absolute nightmare.
My grandmother died, and I’ve never felt so broken. I ended up having sex with one of the people I live with and share kitchen with and fell in love with him (K). I asked (E) for a break, but I didn’t specify that it was for me to pursue things with the guy from my dormitory (K) and to see if it was actually for me.
So, I played it double. I had sex with (K) over a course of approximately two weeks, and then when (E) found out, he broke things off with me, and I lost it. I felt like my whole world was crumbling and I just didn’t want to live anymore. He told me he had had sex with another girl whilst we were on our break, which literally broke me into a billion pieces and made me go absolutely crazy and that’s when I had my first episode. An episode is that I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I just don’t care about anything. Don’t care about future consequences, about the people I hurt etc. It has gotten progressively worse over the last week and a half.
So, I took some time off and went to my hometown for a week to visit my parents and get everything on a distance. When I got home, (E) was so angry and broken, and told me he could no longer be in my life, unless I got proper help. So, I ended up having an episode (which I’d never had before). I’m currently getting help from the hospital and have been assigned an OPUS program. I’ve not yet been finally diagnosed, but they do believe I have bipolar disorder, and that I have a psychosis.
I went to the emergency psychiatric hospital where they wanted to sign me in with (E), but I refused as I had a doctor’s appointment the day after. In the car as soon as we left there, I got another episode, and I told (E) that if I were ever hospitalized, I would kill myself, and it would be his fault, and I would blame him. They told me to take Oxabenz when I get my episodes, and they told him to drive me to them so I could get the help I need. Through our relationship, I’ve not been good at expressing my emotions, and I lock down completely. This has resulted in pushing me down, holding me down and slapping me.
(E) does not want to leave me alone, as I am suicidal, however he also does not want to hospitalize me due to what I said when I was in my psychosis/episode at the emergency psychiatric hospital. I lose it as he constantly triggers me with being caring, loving, kissing me but also confronts me with what I’ve done by sleeping with the guy from my dormitory (K).
I try to avoid my psychosis by being in my head, not answering his questions etc. to calm down, but he takes It as me being mentally violent and abusive against him, so he chokes me, hits me, throws me around, forces me to lie on my stomach and when I cry, he holds me for my mouth and my nose so I can’t breathe. He holds me against my will and does not want to let me leave as he says he’s afraid I’ll kill myself. He has spat on me, hurt my fingers as a way to get me out of my psychosis but it doesn’t help once I’m in it. It literally breaks me, and all I can think about is to call for help, or hurt myself on the windows, windowsill, radiator, floor etc. for him to let me go, which I’ve tried but no one comes to help me. I’ve begged him to drive me to the psychiatric hospital, but he doesn’t want to do that when I’m psychotic, because he’s afraid once we stand there, I do not want to let myself get hospitalized and if I do, I will kill myself.
I’ve finally gotten away from him, but I cannot decide if I should get myself hospitalized or not. He does not want to drive me there, but I also am so scared to go back to him, because I feel like he is abusing me.
My problem is though that I can’t really trust my feelings when I’m sad. That’s what he’s telling me, and I can’t figure out if that is true or not. So far, we’ve tried with me being with him, pretending things are okay., having sex, kissing etc. but to me, it doesn’t feel right, but he says it’s just my head which is lying to me, and that it is all I actually want. It is the only place I want to be when I’m good in my head and not psychotic.
I don’t know what to do. I have agreed to meet (E) again at 19:00 PM. But I’m very scared I’ll end up loosing it again and go psychotic and that he’ll hurt me again. What am I supposed to do? Please help me, because I do not trust myself, but I also do not trust him.
submitted by Hereforachange to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
I’m writing because it feels like everything around me crumbles and I can no longer trust myself.
I’m writing this post, because I feel like I’m currently in a bubble of destruction and intrusive thoughts surrounded by people who are pretending to help me, but It doesn’t feel that way, and due to my illness, I can’t trust my feelings, so I need someone from the outside to look at the whole situation.
I’ve always been a very superficial kind of person, I have intense relationships with everyone, but I still try to remain somewhat distant when it comes to letting people close to me. I have a very destructive behaviour.
I have a hard time having female friends, I didn’t use to, but for some reason having male friends has always been easier for me. My problem is that once I get close to people, I fall in love with them, and I fall very hard. It consumes me more than anything else, but as soon as I “get them” my interest for them is non-existent. However, I’ve been in a few “long” relationships.
My previous relationship was almost 7 years, until I decided to leave him (M).
I found this guy (M), and cheated on my, at the time boyfriend (Q) and ended up leaving him for the new guy I JUST MET. In the beginning of this new relationship, (M) was very controlling and manipulative. I would have to be on a phone call with him all day when at school whilst he was at work listening to our phone calls. I were not allowed to talk to anyone, and if I did, I got an angry message saying to go to the bathroom, where he would yell at me and destroy me mentally. I did not make any friends in my 3 years of high school, and I never went to any party or gathering with my classmates until the last year on the final day of the graduation week. Things did get better, and the calls stopped as I was almost done with my first year of high school. But the checking my phone etc. continued. In the third year It was more free for me to make friends, but everyone already had made friends, and I developed social anxiety. At some point in this relationship, he raped me, as I was not in the mood for sex, but he wanted it and decided we must have it. He had sex with me, whilst I was crying and begging for him to stop. He stopped when he came, and never apologized for it.
I started at UNI, and (M) and I moved in together alone, and things went better, I got a few friends in my study group. (M) got a depression and moved across country away from me and did not want to call us bf/gf anymore. He still travelled every weekend to me and had sex with me, but he did not want to say we were in a relationship, so we were more friends with benefits. I saw myself as single, since I asked him if we could be gf/bf again, and he always said no. Then I met a new guy online. I told him about my relationship with my ex, the things he had done to me, and we got along really well. Then (M) got back into his abusive pattern, he demanded to read through my phone, talk to me all the time on calls etc. and I gave in. I cut all contact to my new friend online, and I haven’t spoken to him since. It’s been approximately 5 years now. The next 3 years went somewhat okay. But I still couldn’t let go of the thought of him having raped me. I started as an intern and (M) was extremely jealous of my relationship with my boss. As I wanted good grades, I would stay a little longer at work to finish my analytical tests for my reports for UNI etc. and we ended up having a massive fight over it. I got hurt that he still wouldn’t trust me. (looking back, It makes sense because I left another guy for him (M) years ago). Then we started playing an online game together, and a guy (E) we were talking to started writing me asking me why I never spoke in calls, if I was okay, if I needed help etc.
I told him bits and pieces over the course of 3 months, and he told me how fucked up my relationship with (M) was. It was like I finally had someone else tell me what I’d seen but ignored for years, that I was in an abusive relationship and had to get out. So, I did. However, I was slowly being more and more explicit friendly with (E) and it ended up being with a lot of sexual tension and I cheated on (M) with (E) online by sexting with (E).
I left (M) and spontaneously took a train across country and visited (E). When I came back, I had to deal with splitting up the home I had with (M), our dog, etc. I ended up keeping the dog.
Then one of (M)’s good friends (P) wrote me, asked me what happened as he had heard we were no longer together. I told (P) small bits of it, and we got along super well as friends. Until I ruined it by making it sexual. I ended up sexting with (P) and (E) at the same time, and then (E) and I decided to be serious. (this is only a month and a half after my breakup with (M). I couldn’t deal with it as I missed (P) so much my heart aced, so I broke up with (E) over text and invited (P) over and had sex with him. Then it continued with me being undecisive about (P) and (E) over a couple of months, blocking one, then having sex with the other vice versa until I finally blocked (P) and decided to pursue things with (E). After all, he was the one who helped me out of my abusive relationship.
I dropped out of the UNI without finishing my diploma and moved across country to start at a new UNI. God wanted it to happen that I now live at the same dormitory as (E). (E) did not want to be in a relationship with me due to the things I had done, as he could not trust me at all, which was fair. I understand that. But the end goal was for him to trust me more and more, and then eventually be able to get into a relationship.
Over the course of the last year, I’ve secretly written (P) from time to time when I was back in my hometown to hear how it goes and tell him I miss him etc. and that he still missed me. Every time it ended up getting sexual, and I ended up cutting it off when I had to get back to my new home. (P) and I met October last year whilst (E) and I were serious (still not in a relationship).
The last month and a half / two months has been an absolute nightmare.
My grandmother died, and I’ve never felt so broken. I ended up having sex with one of the people I live with and share kitchen with and fell in love with him (K). I asked (E) for a break, but I didn’t specify that it was for me to pursue things with the guy from my dormitory (K) and to see if it was actually for me.
So, I played it double. I had sex with (K) over a course of approximately two weeks, and then when (E) found out, he broke things off with me, and I lost it. I felt like my whole world was crumbling and I just didn’t want to live anymore. He told me he had had sex with another girl whilst we were on our break, which literally broke me into a billion pieces and made me go absolutely crazy and that’s when I had my first episode. An episode is that I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I just don’t care about anything. Don’t care about future consequences, about the people I hurt etc. It has gotten progressively worse over the last week and a half.
So, I took some time off and went to my hometown for a week to visit my parents and get everything on a distance. When I got home, (E) was so angry and broken, and told me he could no longer be in my life, unless I got proper help. So, I ended up having an episode (which I’d never had before). I’m currently getting help from the hospital and have been assigned an OPUS program. I’ve not yet been finally diagnosed, but they do believe I have bipolar disorder, and that I have a psychosis.
I went to the emergency psychiatric hospital where they wanted to sign me in with (E), but I refused as I had a doctor’s appointment the day after. In the car as soon as we left there, I got another episode, and I told (E) that if I were ever hospitalized, I would kill myself, and it would be his fault, and I would blame him. They told me to take Oxabenz when I get my episodes, and they told him to drive me to them so I could get the help I need. Through our relationship, I’ve not been good at expressing my emotions, and I lock down completely. This has resulted in pushing me down, holding me down and slapping me.
(E) does not want to leave me alone, as I am suicidal, however he also does not want to hospitalize me due to what I said when I was in my psychosis/episode at the emergency psychiatric hospital. I lose it as he constantly triggers me with being caring, loving, kissing me but also confronts me with what I’ve done by sleeping with the guy from my dormitory (K).
I try to avoid my psychosis by being in my head, not answering his questions etc. to calm down, but he takes It as me being mentally violent and abusive against him, so he chokes me, hits me, throws me around, forces me to lie on my stomach and when I cry, he holds me for my mouth and my nose so I can’t breathe. He holds me against my will and does not want to let me leave as he says he’s afraid I’ll kill myself. He has spat on me, hurt my fingers as a way to get me out of my psychosis but it doesn’t help once I’m in it. It literally breaks me, and all I can think about is to call for help, or hurt myself on the windows, windowsill, radiator, floor etc. for him to let me go, which I’ve tried but no one comes to help me. I’ve begged him to drive me to the psychiatric hospital, but he doesn’t want to do that when I’m psychotic, because he’s afraid once we stand there, I do not want to let myself get hospitalized and if I do, I will kill myself.
I’ve finally gotten away from him, but I cannot decide if I should get myself hospitalized or not. He does not want to drive me there, but I also am so scared to go back to him, because I feel like he is abusing me.
My problem is though that I can’t really trust my feelings when I’m sad. That’s what he’s telling me, and I can’t figure out if that is true or not. So far, we’ve tried with me being with him, pretending things are okay., having sex, kissing etc. but to me, it doesn’t feel right, but he says it’s just my head which is lying to me, and that it is all I actually want. It is the only place I want to be when I’m good in my head and not psychotic.
I don’t know what to do. I have agreed to meet (E) again at 19:00 PM. But I’m very scared I’ll end up loosing it again and go psychotic and that he’ll hurt me again. What am I supposed to do? Please help me, because I do not trust myself, but I also do not trust him.
2023.06.10 15:10 KaleidoscopeGlobal51 AITA for “planning to wear a short skirt in front of my boyfriends younger cousin “
i’m writing this angry and upset. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year. we’ve had our ups and downs but have overall been really good. today i asked my boyfriend if he would like to go out with his little cousin let’s call him jack. Jacks a year younger than us and we are good friends because of my boyfriend. i had been snapping him on snap back and forth of course only friendly stuff and selfies ( just general snapchat stuff). and he kept talking about how he wanted me and my boyfriend to go out with him. So today we all planned to take a walk over the field and the park since it’s a hot day and we all wanted to get out the house before I got ready to leave. I was sorting through my clothes and found an old long tank top. I cropped the shirt to kinda salvage it and with the remaining piece of waist fabric that was on there I put it around my hips like a pretend miniskirt the skirt was ridiculously short and never something i would ever wear out. I sent the video of me wearing the “outfit”. to my friends and boyfriend saying in the video, how I really like this outfit clearly being sarcastic. Well I get a reply from my boyfriend that says you really think you’re wearing that to go out and see my cousin who do you think you are I am immediately told him that it was a joke and explain the whole situation, but he’s just ignoring me. I’ve called him about 20 times for him to just keep hanging up on me and I think he’s blocked me all over a stupid joke I told him that I wouldn’t even wear that in general allowed to go out and see his cousin. Hu, by the way I have no interest in and he has no reason not to trust me. I just cancelled going out, told his cousin that I wasn’t going to go out because my boyfriend was kicking off and he’s still not replying to me, so I’m wondering if I’m the asshole in all of this.
submitted by KaleidoscopeGlobal51 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.06.10 15:10 OkTofu8 Me (F28) in a long distance relationship with my BF (M39) that has an ex-wife (F38) who apparently hasnt moved on yet
Me (F28) and my bf (M39) has been in a relationship for almost a year now. We were friends for a few months before we starting dating, and during that time, I already knew about his status as (not technically) a single dad but he was very sure that their separation was civil and they are now co-parenting. Fast forward, we got along with his daughter (F11) fast and for sure we both had a mutual connection as friends but after a week staying at her mom's place, she started acting weird and rude around my boyfriend saying some things about how our relationship is illegal because they haven't separated yet on paper. Were both suspecting that it was the ex-wife gaslighting the kid and I dont know the reason why. I haven't talked to the ex-wife, let alone talk bad things against her even to my bf because why should I? I don't want any complications as it is already. Anyway, while I visited my bf at his place, I saw her daughter's text saying "why is she even here". I know its normal for kids to feel bad about their parents separating but I believe at first she liked me and treated me as a friend now everything changed after that one time she stayed for a week at her mom's. She now has these episodes where she gets rude to my bf, blaming him for leaving, for her "depressive thoughts" which is giving my bf a hard time and alot of pressure lately. I know that I should see this one coming, since Ive decided to be in this type of relationship but I just think that the ex-wife's move of gaslighting their child to hate on me was a bad one. I guess she's attacking me since my bf is ignoring the rumors shes spreading about him on leaving first. My guess also that she didnt take the separation lightly and is still not over yet. Now I am insecure for the fact that the kid wants them to get back together and at the time hate myself for feeling that way because I feel like the villain in someone else's story; though my bf reassures me that he doesnt want to get back with her anymore because he is done and decided. I love my bf and Ive never had a connection with anyone so genuine so I am torn if I should just get out of the picture or stay and persist because I know time heals everything yet at the same time the fear of staying but feeling miserable with this situation that i am in + the fact that I probably wont get married anymore because there is no divorce in our country and the annulment process takes too long and is very rigorous.
submitted by OkTofu8 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.06.10 15:10 the_bat_detective 29 [M4F] Florida/Online - Searching for my other half who is as nerdy as possibly can be
I’m looking for my special someone, my someone who is eager and willing to have everyday conversations about anything nerdy and also serious topics too, even if it’s something we don’t know much or willing to learn more about. But most importantly, someone who is a gamer and desires a romantic connection like I do full with engaging and meaningful convos.
Here’s a bit about me:
submitted by the_bat_detective to r4r [link] [comments]
Here’s a bit about me:
- Floridian, born and raised. Willing to chat with anyone across the world, and I am pretty flexible and open to chatting regardless of where you’re from!
- Big lover of video games; my favorites are mostly on PC but I also have a PS4 too! My most played games are: Overwatch, League of Legends, Valorant, Apex Legends, Fortnite, Dead by Daylight, and a couple other games too! If you play any of these, hit me up! If you play MMOs, bonus points!
- When I’m not busy being a gaming dork, I also love movies, tv shows, anime (especially anything Ghibli and the 90s era), creepy and horror stories, and conspiracy theory. Tell me about your favorite series or theory! I love everything from Marvel/DC to Harry Potter and Star Wars to LOTR and other types of fantasy/fiction. I also dabble in fanfics and writing too.
- Loves to cook and makes domestic and foreign cuisines. I especially love anything Asian and oriental style.
- Enjoys being around animals and nature. I own a Morkie puppy and he’s my favorite in the world.
- Finds learning about different cultures and languages to be interesting! If you have any to talk about, I’d be down to learn more about them!
- Loves all forms of music genres (grew up with hip hop/rap, and also slowly got into EDM and house music over the years and then also got into alternative/indie rock as time went by).
2023.06.10 15:09 No-Fault581 I cut off my grandparents from my life over a dog.Should I reconcile?
Well this is kind of long story but here we go.My parents divorced when I was 10.My mom remarried a year later so my brother and I went to live with my father,his grandparents and uncle. I also brought my 4 month old puppy (at the time)my mom bought for me days prior before she left us with our father.I truly loved my grandparents,they were so welcoming and I enjoyed spending time with them.But of course as time went by I started noticing they made sure that dog is only mine and no one elses.It made me irritated that everyone was reminding me it was MY dog.They took good care of her tho.Things went downhill after we moved from my grandparents home.And apartment we were moving to didn’t allow dogs.So we left her there.I was expected to walk her everyday which is normal,but dog was too strong for me(I had like 50kg at most and our dog had 25kg),I was really weak and tiny.I begged my family to go to a walk with me,but everyone brushed it off saying it’s my dog and my responsibility.So my friend would go for walks with me when she had time.I was already 15 at the time.But she stopped after my dog dislocated her shoulder after one of the walks.I was left alone,and I couldn’t fulfill my responsibility.I also felt super hurt no one from my family wouldn’t go out with us for a walk.Fast forward when I was 19,time when I cut ties with my grandparents.My brother showed up with my dog to our former family home(no one lived there)and said it’s your responsibility now,grandparents can’t take care of her anymore.It was after freaking 7 years!And it was also days before I moved to another country for college.I started freaking out,crying,hyperventilating,fainting,shouting how can they do this to me?!Was this dog worth nothing to them?In the moment I said to my brother I want to do nothing with them, I will come to visit them at their funeral.I admit it wasn’t nice to say but I was too hurt,and of course my brother didn’t miss to inform them everything I said that day.Thing I figured out is that my grandparents wanted to send our dog to my moms house since it was a dog my mom bought for me.And I couldn’t risk that.My mom had cats there and my little half siblings were like 5 at the time.And my dog was too aggressive towards small animals and children.I had no choice then to leave our dog at former family house(my moms mom property).I went there to feed her and play with her but dog run away after only three days.Before running away neighbors also called us to inform dog was crying all the time.After two days of unsuccessful search my dog found way back to my grandparents house by herself.They decided to keep her. I went to university and later met my boyfriend and moved even further away. I couldn’t face my grandparents,I tried to sneak and see my dog couple of times,but it was impossible so I would only see her from distance. Fast forward to today,it’s been 4 years since I talked with my grandparents and uncle.They never called me,and I didn’t want to be first one to make efforts to reconcile since I thought they were in the wrong.My dog died two years ago after long therapy for heart worm.It’s breaking my heart I couldn’t see her.And now I’m afraid my grandparents will die before I reconcile with them.I was hurt back then,felt betrayed and unloved and I still do to some extent.But time went by and I feel like I should put everything behind and try to be the first one who will make a move.
So please help me,what should I do?How can I reconcile with them? I feel too anxious only thinking about meeting them after all this time.
This is whole story but without many details since it would be way too long. Also english is not my first language,sorry for any writing mistakes.
Hope you can help me. Have a nice day.
submitted by No-Fault581 to offmychest [link] [comments]
So please help me,what should I do?How can I reconcile with them? I feel too anxious only thinking about meeting them after all this time.
This is whole story but without many details since it would be way too long. Also english is not my first language,sorry for any writing mistakes.
Hope you can help me. Have a nice day.
2023.06.10 15:09 ThrowRA_abcdefgh M/19 boyfriend feels less physical attraction to me F/18 and is hinting at wanting an open relationship
I (18F) have a boyfriend (19M) for nearly 7 months. It’s not a super long time, but I’ve felt that we have a connection like no other. We are both very communicative and understanding of one another, but I’ve hit a wall in the relationship. Given the fact that his past relationships have been LDR, he is more accustomed to polygamous relationships. I’ve been a huge change for him that I didn’t think was a problem considering we live only a 5 min drive from each other and see each other at least twice a week. I’ve been very happy with our relationship, but recently he’s expressed to me that he feels it is “stale.” We had a long talk about it and essentially, he explained that he is still very emotionally attracted to me and the person that i am and he still finds me beautiful, but he feels less physical attraction towards me and feels he would like a break for the rest of the month in order to deal with that. He said it’s not a problem with me. He said he loves being around me and I make him happy. I respected his wishes because the conversation was respectful and I know he had my feelings in mind as well. I guess I’m in a state of shock right now. I thought we were doing so well in absolutely every aspect of the relationship. I asked him if he still intended on being loyal to me during this break and he said he did. I asked him if he was feeling attraction to someone else and he said he wasn’t. I did, however, bring up his past relationships and told him that I don’t think I have it in me to replicate what he had in the past.
I guess my question here is, what am I supposed to tell him? I don’t think I can offer polygamy here. I care about him so much and I value our relationship so deeply, but I don’t know if I could do the open relationship thing. Even if I overcome the mixed emotions, the polygamy would be one sided because frankly I don’t see myself wanting or even enjoying sex with anyone other than him. Do I tell him he just has to decide if our relationship is worth not having the freedom of polygamy? Do I tell him every couple goes through stages like this but it doesn’t mean they have to break up? Do I just sit still for the rest of the month and hope he chooses me?
submitted by ThrowRA_abcdefgh to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I guess my question here is, what am I supposed to tell him? I don’t think I can offer polygamy here. I care about him so much and I value our relationship so deeply, but I don’t know if I could do the open relationship thing. Even if I overcome the mixed emotions, the polygamy would be one sided because frankly I don’t see myself wanting or even enjoying sex with anyone other than him. Do I tell him he just has to decide if our relationship is worth not having the freedom of polygamy? Do I tell him every couple goes through stages like this but it doesn’t mean they have to break up? Do I just sit still for the rest of the month and hope he chooses me?
2023.06.10 15:06 BigKahunaDick Looking for one pair of good IEMs under $50-$75
Hi y'all, I'd like to buy my first and only IEMs. I already have Audeze LCD-X and Sony XM3 so mentioned IEMs will be used mostly during travels or short walks.
Some info about me/my stack:
DAC/Amp: Apple USB-C dongle (EU version)
Genres I listen to mostly: hip-hop, jazz, soul, OSTs
Looking for: good soundstage, separation and clarity
I have nothing against EQing so I kinda don't care about perfect out-of-the-box curve. I just want it to sound good with or without EQ.
I've thought and read more or less about KZ PR1/PR1 HiFi and KZ PR2 x HBB. Last ones is cheapest and I've seen it for about $40 or even sometimes cheaper like $20 (fakes?).
Would be there huge difference between EQed PR2 x HBB and PR1/PR1 HiFi?
Are dirty cheap prices somewhere on AliExpress like $20 fakes?
Thanks!
submitted by BigKahunaDick to HeadphoneAdvice [link] [comments]
Some info about me/my stack:
DAC/Amp: Apple USB-C dongle (EU version)
Genres I listen to mostly: hip-hop, jazz, soul, OSTs
Looking for: good soundstage, separation and clarity
I have nothing against EQing so I kinda don't care about perfect out-of-the-box curve. I just want it to sound good with or without EQ.
I've thought and read more or less about KZ PR1/PR1 HiFi and KZ PR2 x HBB. Last ones is cheapest and I've seen it for about $40 or even sometimes cheaper like $20 (fakes?).
Would be there huge difference between EQed PR2 x HBB and PR1/PR1 HiFi?
Are dirty cheap prices somewhere on AliExpress like $20 fakes?
Thanks!
2023.06.10 15:06 greeneyedgirlchild BE for dog that keeps escaping
I have a dog that I rescued 2 years ago from a local Rescue. She is up to date on all shots and has been successfully treated for heart worm. Since I have had her, I’ve had her run away from us 4x. I have a yard that it secure.Tall fence and latching doors. Everyone in my family is super careful to make sure all latches are closed and that she is never unsupervised. However, she has pushed past me and the other members of my family to run around the neighborhood. I live near a very busy street and intersection. On the times that she has escaped, she has bit someone on her run. The first time was a child, the second was a stranger on the street, my neighbor and a man on a bike. No one was seriously hurt, as she bit them in fear in passing. I am afraid for her safety and the safety of my neighbors. She has run into traffic (while we were trying to catch) her and was almost hit by a car. My neighbor has threatened to shoot her if she comes on his property or near him again.
She runs and tries to escape whenever there is a lawn mower or anything loudly moving outside of the yard. We cannot catch her. She will run from us for hours until my boyfriend is able to tire her out and herd her back to our yard. I have never owned an animal that has done this, biting or escaping. Our house is very calm and quiet.
I recently (6 months ago) was diagnosed and treated for cancer. I cannot run after her. The anxiety I have when I take her out for a walk (a muzzled walk) or even out to pee is exhausting. I am so scared she will run away again and/or bite someone out of fear. I cannot take that risk. Other than her biting when she escapes, she is a very patient, loving and quiet dog. We have trained her to sit and stay, give a paw and lay down. She is a very good girl- unless she is able to get out. I have tried many rescues and they will not tale her. I called the rescue that I got her from and they will not take her either. They, the rescues and my vet suggested humane euthanasia . I am saddened by this, but know it has to be done. My partner is not taking it well and is isolating himself and is angry. But he accepts the choice . I know this sounds insensitive, but he is ignoring the fact that we cannot help her and since he never took an interest in her until now, this makes my decision harder . How do you all deal with the sorrow of having to/having a pup put down?. For what it's worth, she's a 96lb Pittie/Chow/Lab mix.
submitted by greeneyedgirlchild to reactivedogs [link] [comments]
She runs and tries to escape whenever there is a lawn mower or anything loudly moving outside of the yard. We cannot catch her. She will run from us for hours until my boyfriend is able to tire her out and herd her back to our yard. I have never owned an animal that has done this, biting or escaping. Our house is very calm and quiet.
I recently (6 months ago) was diagnosed and treated for cancer. I cannot run after her. The anxiety I have when I take her out for a walk (a muzzled walk) or even out to pee is exhausting. I am so scared she will run away again and/or bite someone out of fear. I cannot take that risk. Other than her biting when she escapes, she is a very patient, loving and quiet dog. We have trained her to sit and stay, give a paw and lay down. She is a very good girl- unless she is able to get out. I have tried many rescues and they will not tale her. I called the rescue that I got her from and they will not take her either. They, the rescues and my vet suggested humane euthanasia . I am saddened by this, but know it has to be done. My partner is not taking it well and is isolating himself and is angry. But he accepts the choice . I know this sounds insensitive, but he is ignoring the fact that we cannot help her and since he never took an interest in her until now, this makes my decision harder . How do you all deal with the sorrow of having to/having a pup put down?. For what it's worth, she's a 96lb Pittie/Chow/Lab mix.
2023.06.10 15:05 itstabsmyeye Comments an old boyfriend have said about my appearance still bother me. Anyone else stuck on things someone said years ago?
I had a boyfriend tell me that my butt was pointy when I was bent over. I dropped something, I was on my hands and knees looking for it, knowing my butt was in the air and thinking how he was probably enjoying the view.. definitely arching my back a bit.. then bam, he said that and I just thought “oh I guess he really didn’t like the view because he called me pointy”
Im a pretty thin person, small butt, it’s not a bad shape or a bad looking butt by any means but I don’t have cake ok and I guess when I bend over it goes away and my bones stick out instead. He was totally right though because I checked. I don’t know why my body does this. I must have a weird narrow hips and shape because I’ve literally never seen anyone with a pointy ass bones like mine. I’ve seen a lot of porn, nope. Not even seeing it there. Does anyone else’s ass bones stick out when you bend over? I don’t do doggy style sex because of it, I’m to self conscious. That same ex also told me I looked like a guy when my hair was wet and totally ruined the good time I was having swimming in the ocean. I had popped out of the water with a big smile to give him a kiss and he said that. He anyways said stuff like that at the worst moments. I don’t even look like a guy at all idk why he would even say that. To ruin my day on purpose? Ugh.
submitted by itstabsmyeye to BodyDysmorphia [link] [comments]
Im a pretty thin person, small butt, it’s not a bad shape or a bad looking butt by any means but I don’t have cake ok and I guess when I bend over it goes away and my bones stick out instead. He was totally right though because I checked. I don’t know why my body does this. I must have a weird narrow hips and shape because I’ve literally never seen anyone with a pointy ass bones like mine. I’ve seen a lot of porn, nope. Not even seeing it there. Does anyone else’s ass bones stick out when you bend over? I don’t do doggy style sex because of it, I’m to self conscious. That same ex also told me I looked like a guy when my hair was wet and totally ruined the good time I was having swimming in the ocean. I had popped out of the water with a big smile to give him a kiss and he said that. He anyways said stuff like that at the worst moments. I don’t even look like a guy at all idk why he would even say that. To ruin my day on purpose? Ugh.
2023.06.10 15:05 tryingtobebetter0403 I (14M) told my girlfriend (15F) about my addiction and now she wants to break up
I opened up to my girlfriend of 11 months of the porn addiction I've had since i was an elementary schooler. I was opened to porn in kindergarten and it's fucked me up real bad. I had been contemplating on whether i should've told her or not, all i want is her support. She regards watching porn in a relationship as cheating and now she wants to break up. I opened up to her about it just today. She got very upset with me a while back about me watching porn and I've actively been trying to quit since then but i always end up relapsing. I hate porn it's ruined me and my mental and now it's ruining my relationship. I hate myself and my bad habit for it. I wish i could just turn back time and prevent myself from causing her so much harm. This is her last straw, as I've broken her trust a lot of times. She's really a really emotional person but i know she's a good soul. She's perfect for me and i know i can't let her go. I'm trying to be a better guy for her and i don't wanna paint a bad picture on her but she said she doesn't wanna support me in this because why would she wanna support her own boyfriend about him jacking off to other nude girls. I'm not surprised, I'm helpless and i just want her to stay. She pulled me out of a lot of misery and my life felt dull before she came into it so I'm really emotionally dependant on her. It's first love for the both of us and i know people usually let go in this position but I wanna cling on even if it's til the very last second. The last time i relapsed was yesterday which I'm absolutely shameful about but i the urges hit really bad. I wish i never found out about it, i feel as if I'm too immature. What should I do? I love her and don't wanna lose her
submitted by tryingtobebetter0403 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
2023.06.10 15:00 LumpyBudget tell me you don't go outside without telling me you don't go outside
 | submitted by LumpyBudget to NotHowGirlsWork [link] [comments] |